Running

I've been running for a very long time.
I don't know when I started
And I don't know if I can stop.
Some might say I'm running from a problem
But I like to think I'm running towards
Towards a something
Towards a some place
Some where I want to be
A life I wanna live
A woman I know I can be.
I'm running towards
Happy.

Untitled

They twirl me like a Christmas ornament.
Like a shinning star they could hold in the sun.
See how the colors dance.
Twirl me when you wanna see my colors dance.
Take me for a spin when you wanna see me shine.
Call me beautiful.
Tell me I'm pretty.
Take me for a spin.
Twirl me around.
And watch me shine.
Wind me up and watch me dance.
Watch me sparkle.
Watch me shine.
Watch me spin for you.
Look at my colors.
Marvel at their beauty.
Look at me shine like the sun, but don't get burned.
Watch me twinkle like a star just out of reach.
Don't reach too high.
You may fall.

MY THOUGHTS

I NEED MY THOUGHTS TO GO SOMEWHERE

A BUCKET

OR A RIVER PERHAPS

ONE DAY I RELEASED THEM IN THE OCEAN

THAT WAS A GREAT DAY

I FELT FREE

I WAS FREE BECAUSE IN THE OCEANS VASTNESS MY THOUGHTS WOULD BE SAFE

I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THEM BEING DISCOVERED

LIKE A WEIGHTLESS SUNKEN TREASURE THEY DRIFTED THEN FLOATED TO THE BOTTOM

WEIGHTED DOWN BY MY WILL

AND ANCHORED BY THE HEAVINESS OF MY SOUL

TODAY THE OCEAN IS NOT ACCESSIBLE TO ME

SO WHERE SHALL THEY GO

THERE IS NO SAFE PLACE AMONGST THIS DRY LAND

WHEREVER THEY ARE TOSSED THEY THREATEN TO RESURFACE AND HAUNT ME

SO I GUESS I WILL KEEP THEM WITH ME

BURIED AT THE BACK OF THE CLOSET OF MY MIND

HIDDEN UNDER THE BED OF MY HEART

SUPPRESSED IN THE DARKEST CAVES OF MY SOUL

THEY THREATEN TO SPILL OUT

IN TEARS

IN ANGER

IN DREAMS

THEY WARN ME:

IT’S TOO CROWDED IN HERE

MAXIMUM OVERLOAD

THE DAY WILL COME WHEN I CAN HIDE THEM NO MORE

Winds and Tides

WINDS & TIDES

My emotions swiftly change like the direction of the wind.

 Why is that?

 I truly want to be steady in my ways.

 Consistent like the tides who although change is at least measurable and consistent. 

But its so hard to be consistent with this ever changing world.

Or is it just my world that changes

I never know when

And then I never know how

I just know is

The “is” leaves me changing like the winds

If the “is” would be more consistent then I could be more like the tides

Change that is expected



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Trying to find a reason behind this so called thing called life

Trying to forgive but you can forget forgetting

Trying to find love while reaching goals

Trying to raise kids right

Trying to be smart funny and attractive

Be a go getter, home-maker, a student, an entrepreneur

Trying, trying, trying

Trying to answer the age old question…who am i?

I asked myself that question at the tender age of 12

I thought I found the answer, but here I stand again

Knocking at heavens door begging for an answer

How did I get in this mess

Trying to get out of it

Trying to dig myself out of the grave I dug for myself

Trying to re-make this bed I made

I cant turn back the hands of time

Gotta work with the cards Ive been dealt

Who can I run to?

Trying to answer these questions I see to ask everyday?

Why?

Why am I here?

Why did I make that decision?

What can I do to make things better?

The more I search the less I find?

My questions don’t even make sense

I wake up sometimes with a clear mission but by midday I lose focus

Maybe I just shouldn’t care

I wanna spend more time on what I know in my heart is ME

But obligations, responsibilities, choices, stand in my way

What to do?

YOUR FREE

Your Free

You’re free from worry and frustration that I might have brought.

You’re free from torment and confusion you sought.

I am no longer a burden to resist.

Nor am I another name on your list.

You’re free to go and do as you please.

Free to sleep with happiness and ease.

I don’t know what kind of man you’d thought you would be when you played and disrespected me.

I so carefully gave thought to the good times we saw.

And realized they out weighted the disappointments and every flaw.

My eyes were covered and unable to see the TRUTH.

And when it was revealed I would have never thought, YOU!

The frustration, the bitter anger I felt was nothing to compare to the thoughts that kept me haunted by night and afraid by day.

But it must be Gods will that you not stay.

So I will count it all joy with neither tear’s or sorrow for I know that joy is coming in the tomorrows’

REJOICE! 

YOU’RE FREE!

This Thing

This thing is unavailable to me right now for whatever reason.
I am not wanted by this thing.
This thing does not welcome me.
So why don’t I give up on this thing?
I guess because I cannot live without this thing.